Monday, July 16, 2007

Love Languages

DH and I recently read a book together called, "The 5 Love Languages." He actually got me 2 copies for my Christmas gift because we had a $10 spending limit on each other's gifts, and I have asked him the entire 11 years of our marriage to read a book with me. BTW, DH got a sterling silver ring to replace his wedding band that he lost a few weeks earlier, but that is a different and much longer story. Back to the book...it was great. The book helps you to understand the way in which you receive love and then how your spouse receives love. Some may receive through physical touch, acts of service, gifts, quality time, or affirming words. We usually try to force our love to our spouse in the way that comes most naturally to us, our own love language, but unless they, themselves speak that language, you are fighting an uphill battle. I learned that my love language is Quality Time. This explains so much about me. It explains why I react like I do to flippant friends, and why I get miffed if a parent doesn't connect with me when we are together. But it really explains my relationship with hubby. He was relieved to discover that I wasn't just a needy wife. As most of you know, when you have small children, date nights don't come so easily. We used to go out Friday and Sat. before kids. Then with just one kid, we still got out once a week together. Now we are lucky if we have an actual date once a month. I am ok with this as long as the time we do share, say, after kids are in bed, is, for the most part, connecting time. Well, I was starving for some quality time with hubby. I just missed him, even though we were together all the time. The 2 older boys spent the night at Grandma and Grandpa's and we put baby to bed around 8:30. I had cooked a brisket the night before and had it all ready when baby fell asleep. I resisted the urge to make our plates and plop in the recliner and let my eyes roll into the back of my head as we watch something unwatchable because Lost and 24 are on break. I lit candles and turned on some old standards on the radio. We sat and ate and talked for an hour and a half. It was just as good as being on a a date. Now I feel like a new person. I feel connected and secure with dh, and I feel like taking on the world again knowing I have a partner in this world.

1 comment:

Diane said...

It's so important to connect with your spouse when you have young children, isn't it? We went out for our 10-year anniversary a week and a half ago. It was so much fun that it's kept me recharged still! But it also made me realize we have to get out much more often!